The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly

Thank you to all who gave me input on my 'HUNT' for toys. I did find the magnets I was talking about (numbers, not letters). I think the quality has declined since I was young, as all they did was slide down my freezer door. So, for right now I'm going to hold off on magnets, and will look for some down the road. I also struck out on the plastic pots & pans, and ended up just getting her a little grocery basket with food in it. Which she just loves, and we keep it in that cabinet, and that's the only time she plays with it.

Now on to the good, the bad, and the ugly;

THE GOOD: On Tuesday I took Madalynn to the international adoption clinic at Tufts Medical Center in Boston for an evaluation. She is doing great they said, she is between 8-12 months on her various developmental stages (I won't go into where she is on which development), but she is doing great. The two areas she was 8 months were both language related which is to be expected having spent the first 7 months of her life hearing another language almost exclusively. They said they don't need to see her again because she's doing so well. We talked quite a bit about attachment, and bonding, and how she & I can continue to build that trust. Exercises we can do, and what I should keep doing that I already am.

THE BAD: Oyyyy... all I can say is Boston in the pouring rain with an infant is NOT FUN!! We left our house at 9:00am, and got home at 4:00pm, and that included a bad Mommy who decided not to stay for the bloodwork after being there for 3 hours, and having a baby that was overtired, and hungry.

They have valet parking there which I thought would be convenient (again imagine a 9 month old in the pouring rain in downtown Boston). However, when the valet finally brought my car (after 20 minutes in downtown Boston in the pouring rain with an infant) he parked it not under the protective overhang but out in the street (did I mention it was downtown Boston in the pouring rain with an infant?), then stood there politely holding my door open for me... well that's well & good but I wasn't going to pull a Britney Spears, and put Madalynn on my lap, so I had to wheel her around to the other side of the car (in the street, and did I mention it was pouring rain?) get her buckled, then go around to the back of the car, and get her stroller in & then back around where the nice valet was STILL holding my door open so that my seat & door were now soaking wet, because, in case I didn't mention it, it was pouring rain. I did give him a growl as I gave him his tip (yes I tipped him).

As I've thought about my annoyance of this situation I've been convicted that I could have handled it better, and not been so annoyed. After all he was standing in the pouring rain too, and had been all day I'm sure. Not one of my best moments, but maybe the Lord will help me to remember to be more gracious in the future.

... and now for THE UGLY; My hair after being in the pouring rain in Boston.

I'm adjusting to being back at work, and Madalynn & I have a really nice routine. I still miss her every second I'm there, and count down the hours until I'll see her again, but I'm very peaceful knowing she is home with my Mom.

Now just some pics of 'My Brown Eyed Girl' from this past weekend. I got this shirt on ebay a couple months ago & got her a 12 month hoping it would fit this summer, all I can say is 'Look at that belly!!' which I say to her many times throughout the day. I don't think she'll be wearing it this summer...

On the hunt...

Okay...I am on the hunt for 2 toys for Madalynn, and silly me thought these would be easy things to find...who knew??

I always try to have Madalynn with me wherever I am in the house & whatever I am doing. If I'm home... she's with me. I miss her so much when I'm at work that I just want to spend every second with her when I'm not there. Anyway... I digress.

So, if I'm in the kitchen I used to put her in her high chair or exersaucer, well now that she's more mobile she gets more fidgety in these 2 things than she used to, so now I put her on the floor, and let her play. She has discovered the cabinet with the pots & pans, and the freezer (freezer on the bottom of my fridge).


So I would like to find those old refrigerator magnets with #'s & letters that we had when we were growing up to put on the freezer for her to play with AND, some plastic pots & pans to put in that cupboard for her to play with.... who knew these items would be so difficult to find?? I can find stainless steel & wood pots & pans but no plastic (again like I had when I was little my pot was orange with a yellow lid & a smiley face painted on it... I think it was 'Fisher-Price' I loved my little set & played with it all the time. That was until my brother took it to his treefort & left it in the middle of the woods, and ruined it. No... I'm not bitter... why do you ask??). Again... I digress.

I have searched online, Target, ToysRUs, ebay, the grocery store and I can't find these items... any suggestions anyone? Help a new Mom out.

Grandparents Early B-Day

I think grandparents should have quite a liberal license when it comes to their grandchildren. Let's face it, they've put in the years of worry, discipline, sleepless nights, and turning gray haired raising us... they've earned the right to spoil their grandchildren.

So, today when I mentioned that I found this little swing set Madalynn's size & it is self standing (I can't install one b/c I live in a condo). I said to my Mom, I was thinking of it for her birthday & her response was, "Well, Grandma & Grandpa will get it for her as an early present, and then something 'little' for her to open on her birthday". Let me just remind you that her birthday is 3 months away, and I'm sure Ga-Ga & Grandpa will get her a 'little' something to open on her actual birthday ;-)

Fast-forward 4 hours & we have this...

.

This steering wheel seemed to be her favorite thing... she wasn't too sure about the slide. It's sooo cute, and fun.

Then I left her with Grandpa to play for a little while. When Grandpa came inside he said that she had trouble figuring out grass... she'd just kind of hover her open palm over it & tap it. Seeing as I'm not an outdoorsy kind of girl, Mommy was very glad to hear this. I said "That's my girl!!". We enjoy just looking at nature.

Yesterday, I tried to get a picture of her in her dress after church (BTW, just in case anyone is keeping track she has worn 3 of her sundresses, and has 12 left... good thing it's a long summer).

It was next to impossible for me to get a pic of her in her dress.... she wanted to crawl... I think it was being cooped up at church & her carseat all morning... finally she was free!!!

I'm soooooo excited I can't contain it.... let me fan my dress up & down & shriek!!

I'm off Mommy.... catch me if you can!!!

Okay... I'll stop but make it quick!! I see something that HAS to go in my mouth... I think it's a Cheerio.

In addition to the swingset they bought her a ball at the grocery store, and she now says her 2nd word 'Ba' for ball... so her 2 word vocabulary is 'MumMa' for Mommy & 'Ba' for ball.

9 Months Old & Weather Shift!!

HAPPY 9 MONTH BIRTHDAY MADALYNN VANESA!!!










Baby girl is 9 months old today!! I can't believe it. She is such a joy & delight, and just makes me laugh all day long. She is cutting her 2 top teeth, but is still just so joyous. She had her 9 month check up yesterday, and the doctor said she is doing great. Right on target developmentally, weighing in at almost 19lbs!! She is crawling everywhere now, and we keep a play-yard up in the living room for the most part to keep her contained.






In typical New England fashion we went from frigid winter to summer & skipped right over spring. This morning when I woke up the temp was about 32, by late this afternoon it was 80!! That's almost a 50 degree temp shift in less than 12 hours. So, this afternoon after work Mommy broke out the shortalls & sandals for baby girl, and we were off shopping!!!

Better Day

Today was a bit of a better day back at work... no tears today, so that's a big step. Although I think yesterday I cried them all out.

Madalynn had a better day too... napping, and being a good girl for Ga-Ga.

As for bonding, my sister-in-law reminded me that no matter what happens I will still be the first thing Madalynn sees in the morning, and the last thing she sees at night. I just love that!! She will know that Mommy may go away for awhile, but she always comes back.

I love being a Mom, even the tough times!!

Back to work today...

I went back to work today. I cried all the way to work, and then recomposed myself until I walked in & saw 2 of my co-workers & I burst into tears again... they gave me a group hug which was very sweet. Then I cried when I got home tonight & had her in my arms again.

I had my Dad call from work to check on her b/c I knew if I called I'd just start crying again.

I missed her so much, and my Mom said she missed me too. She didn't nap, and was saying MumMa... I'm worried too that she'll think I'm not coming back.

Everyone keeps telling me it will get easier, which I'm sure it will.

5 weeks home... time to go back to work!!!

Well the day I have been dreading is upon me. Tomorrow I have to go back to work, and leave my baby girl. This will be the first time we've been apart in the last 6 weeks. Except for a 1/2 hour walk with her Grandpa this afternoon, she & I have always been together since she was placed in my arms on March 5th.

I know she will be in very good care as my Mom will be taking care of her so I'm not worried about her. I'm just dreading how much I'm going to miss her. I keep reminding myself that this won't be as hard as it was to give her back to her foster Mom on my 2 visit trips, and we'll settle into a new routine over the coming weeks.

On a different note she figured out how to splash in her bath tonight!! It was too cute, thankfully they were little splashes, and not the get Mommy, and the entire bathroom wet kind of splashes. She is crawling EVERYWHERE. The woodfloor that used to slow her down is no longer an issue. She is also beginning to pull herself up on things. She seems to be changing everyday.

Spring & Dream Big!!

Finally!! We've had a few days in the 70's!!! I know this isn't the best picture b/c Madalynn isn't looking at the camera I think Madalynn must be thinking... geeee it does actually get warm here. I just LOOOOOVE this outfit with the coordinating headband.... it is way too cute. Makes Mommy think she needs to buy some more headbands... hee-heee. I also saw some buds on the tree outside my kitchen window this morning....so that's a good sign.

Madalynn's personality is really coming out. Her goofiness just kills me. She can blow raspberries unlike anyone I've ever heard, and I don't mean the stick out your tongue, and do a zerbert kind of raspberry... I'm talking about puckering out her lips so much so that the bottom lip protudes pretty far out (think Bubba in Forrest Gump, well okay... maybe not THAT much), and then she zerberts... it is way too funny. When she really wants to get going she'll incorporate her hand, or her arm I'll try to get a photo and/or video of it to post.

She still makes my heart want to burst. I thank God for letting me be her Mommy. Tonight she fell asleep in my arms, and I just kept looking at her, kissing her sweet little hand, and holding back tears over how much I love this precious girl. Also, in these moments I will very often think of her birthmother, and the fact that she is missing this, and that makes me sad.

I've been thinking lately about dreams, and particularly dreaming BIG!! Madalynn is the biggest dream I've ever had that came true, and it didn't just HAPPEN... it required effort, work, time, and physical, mental, emotional & spiritual energy. Also, it wasn't something I could do on my own (being a bred in the blood yankee accepting help is tough for me), I had so many people along the way helping me in practical ways, and supportive emotional ways.

It seems to me that oftentimes when I've heard something said of Walt Disney (the man not the theme park), it's something like 'He had a plan, or a vision, or a dream to have....' & fill in the blank. My point in saying this is that it occured to me that not only did Walt dream, but he dreamed BIG!!! Not only did he dream big, but he continued to dream. From what I know of him it seems as if he always had dreams in the works. Not only did he dream big, and have lots of dreams, but he didn't listen to those who told him his dreams weren't possible.

I did some online searchers to find out what Walt had to say about dreams, I found these quotes that I love;

All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them. -Walt Disney

The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing. -Walt Disney

When you believe in a thing, believe in it all the way, implicitly and unquestionable. -Walt Disney

I'm not quite sure what my next dream is, but I'm going to go to the Father, and seek His wisdom in it.

Home 4 weeks!!!

We've been home for 4 weeks today!! It's gone by waaaaay too fast, especially for Mommy. I still delight in every little thing from the big 4 dimpled grin to the fussing at 3:30am... I love it all the good, the bad, and the ugly. I keep kind of expecting this feeling to fade like this is a bit of a 'honeymoon' but so far it hasn't. I adore this little girl, and I thank God everyday that I get to be her Mommy.



Several people have approached me lately that they are considering adoption. Adoption is my favorite subject!!! I would just say to anyone out there if you've ever even had the slightest tug on your heart to adopt to give a tug back on that thread. Just take a first step to find out about it... talk to someone who's adopted, go to an informational meeting at an agency, or adoption association, just do something to find out more. For me it is the greatest thing I've ever done, and I would encourage anyone else to at least consider it. Yes, there are scary things (which is true with pregnancy as well), but that is where faith & trust come in. You just have to take that first step out into the great unknown...



“When you come to the edge of all the light you know and are about to step off into the darkness of the unkonwn, Faith is knowing one of two things will happen: either there will be something solid to stand on, or you will be taught how to fly."
-Patrick Overter



I don't know if Mr. Overter was a Christian or not, but I think there is so much truth in that quote. God will make a bridge appear, or he will give you wings.... either way you're going to be okay, and have an amazing story to tell!!



The journey to bring Madalynn home is one I cherish... all the highs & lows. God revealed so much of His character to me, about how I can trust Him, and that He will provide in the big AND small things. I am thankful for every step. I know there are still mountains ahead, but this process has given me a foundation for whatever Madalynn & I will face in the future.



I borrowed this from another adoptive Mom's blog because I just loved it. If you can relate to ANY of these things I would again encourage you to tug that thread & see what happens... the reward will be great!!





Priceless...You know you are an adoptive mother (or you should be!) if:



1. The fact that there are 143 million children without a parent to kiss them goodnight has ever made you lose sleep.



2. You realize DNA has nothing to do with love and family.



3. You can't watch Adoption Stories on TLC without sobbing.



4. The fact that if 7% of Christians adopted 1 child, there would be no orphans in the world is convicting to you.



5. You spend free time surfing blogs about families who have experienced the blessing of adoption.



6. It drives you crazy when people ask you about your adopted child's "real" parents.



7. You have ever been "pregnant" with your adoptive child longer than it takes an elephant to give birth (2 years!)



8. You had no idea how you would afford to adopt but stepped out in faith anyway knowing where God calls you He will provide.



9. You have ever taken a airplane ride half way around the world with a child you just met.



10. You believe God's heart is for adoption.



11. You realize that welcoming a child into your heart and family is one of the most important legacy's you could ever leave on this earth.



12. You shudder when people say your child is so lucky that you adopted them, knowing full well you are the blessed one to have them in your life.



13. You know what the word Dossier means and you can actually pronounce it!



14. You have welcomed a social worker into the most private parts of your life.



15. You know full well that the journey of your child coming into your family is one of the most wonderful, miraculous things that has ever happened to you.

Actual Crawling...

Well the other night after my 'spiritual crawling' post... Madalynn literally crawled. It wasn't quite the up on all fours crawling... it was more let me pull myself along on my forearms & elbows which according to Ga-Ga is how Mommy crawled. We're going to try to get it on video... she hasn't exactly taken off yet, but I'm sure in no time she will be ALL OVER THE PLACE!! Time to baby-proof.

I found the cutest bananas at the grocery store & they're Madalynn size... can you even handle how cute these are??

I also found some knock off crocs at Target!! How cute is she in her hat & crocs??? The weather still hasn't turned here in the northeast, but we're hoping soon!!

And here is a picture of Madalynn's bottle & Mommy's bottle!! Since Madalynn has been home, Mommy has increased her consumption of Starbucks!!

She continues to do very well, and is saying MumMa, MumMa quite a bit. She just cracks us up all the time, as she is quite goofy. One of her favorite games is the 'coughing' game, where she 'fakes' a little cough, and then you do the same... this can go on for awhile.

We have our first of 3 follow up homestudy visits on Monday. The hoops you have to jump through to continually prove to strangers that you are a competent parent just amaze me. I understand the reasoning behind it. But, I still compare it to parents who give birth in a hospital... do they have a social worker come into their home 3x within the first 6 months of bringing the baby home? Oyyyy... I won't go there. I will just say that Madalynn is worth all of it, and I would do much more for her, the smile that greets me from the crib each morning is worth it alone!!

Spiritual Crawling...

I know I mentioned on my previous blog how much I love relating God to the image of a loving parent.

Lately I've been watching Madalynn as she's trying to get herself coordinated enough to crawl. Most of the time she ends up spinning around on her belly until she has spun enough times to reach her desired object. Or... she will stretch her arms & legs as long as she possibly can to try & reach it. Then, if she can't get it she gets all mad & sad in the face, and it just makes me chuckle (I know... I'm a mean Mommy).

Anyway, it occured to me today... does our heavenly father do the same thing? Does He watch us working, stretching, and trying to reach something just out of our grasp? Does it give Him a chuckle, or a smile because He knows we'll get our desired object after we've grown a little? Or,sometimes if it is something we really need, He is going to give it to us without the struggle? He will step in & help when it is needed, but like any wise parent He will also let us struggle, working hard to develop the skills & muscle we need to move to the next level.

I know too, like a good parent He is always right along side us, being our greatest cheerleader... encouraging, and celebrating as we make the small milestones. Does it make Him proud & bring a tear to His eye when we reach our goal & we are ready for the next skill, does he clap & cheer? I like to think He does (with the chorus of heaven backing Him up).

I could make this really theological & go in to why we always want something just out our grasp, but I'll leave that for another post.

On to another subject today my friend Robin & her kids Valerie & John invited Madalynn & I over for a playdate... it was Madalynn's first playdate 'out'. We had a great time... aside from Madalynn taking a swipe at Valerie's face... we're going to work on that.

Robin took some more amazing pictures... these are some of my favorites. She is so gifted.

Mommy guilt over 1st haircut...

Ga-Ga & I took Madalynn for her 1st haircut yesterday, and Mommy has felt bad ever since... I loved her hair & the little curls, but we thought it could just use a little 'shaping'... I think the hairdresser cut it too short, and I didn't want her to touch her bangs... but she went STRAIGHT across!! Aren't you supposed to cut IN to bangs?? I don't know I'm not a professional. I know it will grow back... Mommy is hoping it will grow back fast!!! The best part was when the hairdresser told me that Madalynn & I have the same eyes... I just smiled & said 'Thank you', exchanging a knowing look with my Mom.


BEFORE:
Getting ready.... Mommy WHAT is going on???




DURING: What is this??



AFTER: Does Mommy's face say it all? Madalynn is just glad it's over.




Saturday night we went to a Gasphetti Scupper (as Jessica says) at my niece & nephew's school. My sister-in-law took Madalynn off to meet some of her friends, and a few minutes later I saw her heading back to me. Madalynn had this sad little look on her face, and was saying 'MumMa, MumMa'.... melted this MumMa's heart!!!

She has been saying MumMa a lot lately. Mostly when she's upset or in need of something... which is fine with me!! I'm always looking for little signs that she's attaching to me, and I love these little cues.


This past Sunday I took Madalynn to church for the first time. She did great in the hour & half long service. She did get fidgety at the end, but was great all in all. I know eventually I'll have to transition her to the nursery. This picture is after we came home. This is one of my favorite outfits, but unfortunately it is getting a little snug, so I don't think she'll be wearing it again.