God’s Heart…

James 1:27 (New International Version)

²⁷Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

A long time ago I prayed that God would break my heart with the things that break the heart of God.  Thankfully in His wisdom I don’t believe He’s answered that prayer fully.  I don’t know any human aside from Jesus could handle that level of heartbreak.  The level of heartbreak He has revealed to me I’m praying He will take and turn it into action.

I made the decision to adopt Madalynn out of a desire to become a Mom.  I’ve always had a Mom’s heart, and couldn’t imagine living my life without hearing someone call me that.  I wrestled for quite awhile with whether or not it was selfish to bring a child into a single parent home.   In the end I reconciled that with the family Madalynn would become a part of.  It goes beyond me… by adopting her she got a Mom, grandparents, aunts, uncles & cousins, and lots of extended family, and friends.

Another thing I’ve had to reconcile is that I wasn’t motivated to adopt her to ‘save’ an orphan.  I don’t see it that way… I see it as becoming a Mom.  I cringe at comments like “She’s so lucky”.  First of all I don’t believe in luck I believe God had a plan to make me her mother, and her my daughter.  Why is that comment so common to adoptive parents, and yet something you would never say to biological parents?  She’s just my daughter.

However, I can’t escape the fact that had she stayed in Guatemala her life would be very different.  I’m not speaking materially either, as material items are fleeting. 

I wonder would she be in an orphanage, would she be on the street somewhere, or even worse.  None are scenarios I can let linger in my mind.

Because I have this amazing living, breathing vibrant little girl who has taken over my heart I can’t let go of the thoughts for all the others left in Guatemala, and around the world.  God calls us to live out our faith by caring for the least of these.  I can’t get them out of my heart or my head.

God has fanned the fire on the passion that has been in my heart my entire life.

"Once our eyes are opened, we can't pretend we don't know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, know that we know, and holds us responsible to act." Proverbs 24:12

God has been stirring this in my heart for a long time… years probably.  I’m just not sure what it’s going to look like or how it will be translated.  Part of what God has been doing in me in preparation is to remove fear, and give me a desire for persistence.  I was inspired when I read recently about Thomas Edison, his teacher said he was "Too stupid to learn anything"... he was fired from 2 jobs for being "unproductive"... he failed at inventing the lightbulb 10,000 times!! When asked how it felt to fail 10,000 times Edision replied "I didn't fail 10,000 times. The lightbulb was an invention with 10,000 steps"... Maybe what God is calling me to will require 10,000 steps or even more, but I won’t get anywhere if I don’t take the first one.

The plight of orphans in our world is so overwhelming…143 million worldwide.  The number is so staggering what can one person do?  I’m not sure but I know I have to do something.  I’ve started with prayer… we’ll see where it goes from here…

Steven Curtis Chapman song “What Now?”

I saw the face of Jesus in a little orphan girl
She was standing in the corner on the other side of the world
And I heard the voice of Jesus gently whisper to my heart
Didn't you say you wanted to find me?
Well here I am, here you are

And I saw the face of Jesus down on Sixteenth Avenue
He was sleeping in an old car, while his mom went looking for food
And I heard the voice of Jesus gently whisper to my soul
Didn't you say you wanted to know me?
Well here I am, and it's getting cold

So, What now?
What will you do now that you found Me?
What now?
What will you do with this treasure you've found?
I know I may not look like what you expected
But if you remember this is right where I said I would be
You've found me

A New World....

Madalynn started pre-school today, and I didn't cry!!  Well I cried last night getting her stuff ready.  Actually... I didn't cry today b/c on the 1st day the parents stay the whole time... I'm wondering if Thursday will be a different story when I have to leave.  She was really clingy for the talking/orientation part but once the teacher said it was free play time my presence was irrelevant. 

I had to wake her up this morning... normally my 5:30am riser she slept until after 7 today...

 

Her grandparents, aunty & cousins came to see her off...

This is the only full length shot I got... see all my previous entries about my daughter hating the camera...

She LOOOVES her backpack... she doesn't need a backpack but don't tell her that... Notice the cell phone in hand in case she needs to make an emergency call to Grandpa... (It doesn't really work, but if it did he'd be the call she'd make).

 

A single step starts a journey...

 

A little nervous when we got there...

After doing such a great job in school... I got her a coolatta from Dunkin....

(Crazy shot in my rearview...Please notice the stop sign... I was stopped @ this stop sign w/ no one behind me)

Newborn Photo Shoot

Head over to my photography blog Terri Anne Photography I just updated it with pics from a newborn photo shoot yesterday... so fun!

Also... Madalynn has her 1st day of pre-school tomorrow, and I presently can't talk about it...

....sighhhh.... summer...

We've had a great summer.  Looking back the last few months have been difficult for me on a professional level, but on a personal Mom level (which is the level that really matters), it's been great.  This little girl is my delight.  She challenges me on a lot of levels, but God has given me a measure of grace to handle the times of difficulty.   I'll go into why & how a little bit more in another post.

For now, just a wrap up of our end of summer fun...

A few weeks ago Madalynn & I had an "M&M" day (Mommy & Madalynn day)... we went shopping for some fall clothes for her, and then out to lunch.  She HAD to have her purse which was filled with the characters from Toy Story... I just love that she is such a girly-girl, with a dash of boy mixed in.

Then our attempt at a self-portrait on the anniversary of when we met 3 years ago... I'm not sure how you get a camera to focus when it's on a tripod w/ a timer... I'm going to have to figure that out...

Last year...Wow, we both had shorter hair...

Two years ago...

The day we met three years ago...

Then unfortunately... the beginning of September brought me closer to a dreaded chronological number... particularly as a single.  So... I made myself some lemon cupcakes to celebrate with my girl...

Then my parents took me out for lobster... 1st & last time of the season... YUMMMY... I enjoyed every bite...

 

Saturday the family came over for cake & ice cream... I thought Madalynn was going to levitate when she saw Ga-Ga & Grandpa get out of the car with balloons... she was screaming & jumping up & down...

Yesterday we found a ladybug... one of Madalynn's favorite things...

I'm also happy to report that 'Emo' (aka Nemo) is doing very well, and you may think I'm crazy but that fish has a sweet, friendly personality.  I swear she waves to you when you look at her. 

This is a switch for me, I've never been big on summer, but now I'm kind of melancholy that it's ending.  I still love all things fall... the crisp air, apples, football, cozy clothes, etc.  I'm looking forward to all of that, but I'm dreading the months, months, months, and months of cold & grey that come after it.  Also, Madalynn starts pre-school next week so that may also be contributing to my sadness... she is so ready, and I think it's going to be wonderful for her.  I just don't think I'm ready.  It's another phase of letting go.