New Year, and some changes…

I try to keep things light & positive for the most part, but at the same time I want to keep this blog real, and not portray a picture perfect life on the outside not revealing when there is hurt or pain going on.  I’ll admit 2011 has started quite rough, and discouraging.  I’ve felt a new kind of despair which always draws to my mind the line from “Anne of Green Gables” when Anne asks Marilia if she’s ever been in ‘the depths of despair’ to which Marilia replies “No, because to despair is to turn your back on God”.  There is a lot of truth in that statement… to despair is to lose hope, and God is our hope… we have no hope apart from Him.

I’m seeking God for answers, and guidance but right now they’re not coming.  As it usually does this time of challenge causes me to shut out the world (insert here stay off the computer, shut off the T.V. more), and be with my Lord more.  Which I know is a good thing, and something deep down I know my heart & soul long for.  So, after a few late night talks with Him, and a few late night sobs… I’m waiting with expectation to see what He’s going to do, and reveal to me this year 2011.

I came across this song the other night, and felt like it had been written for where I am right now… the first 2 times I listened to it were very cathartic to get out a lot I’ve been keeping bottled up for awhile. (Lyrics are at the end of this post if you’d rather just read it vs. listen to the song).

 

In other news (of a somewhat more lighthearted theme… although I did have a tear or two),  Madalynn got an official big girl bed today… no more toddler bed. ((((((SIIIIGGGHHH)))))).  I think this is the very last piece of babyhood I could hold on to. 

She was getting a little too big for the toddler bed as she often sleeps sideways.  The event that actually forced the issue, was when she was leaning over the side which was crib height to see me sitting on the couch while she was supposed to be sleeping, and she went over landing face first on the floor… complete with a bloody nose, and mouth.  It’s still an image I have trouble shaking.  Sooo, she now has a big girl bed, passed down from her cousin Kassie which makes it oh so special.  We picked out some beautiful bedding last week for her, and Grandpa came over today to set it up, and (sigh) take the toddler bed down. 

It’s nice because at bedtime I can actually sit with her in her bed instead of sitting on the floor to read stories, and I can lay with her to say our prayers, and talk about our day.  I think she liked the idea a lot more in the light of day than she did tonight, and the reality set in, but she is now in fact asleep in her big girl bed. 

Doesn’t it look so grown up???… sniff, sniff…

This is tonight right before bed with some of her animals.

Another change you can’t really see in that picture but I got her hair cut short… I’ve thought about it since we’ve been watching “Toy Story3”, and I think the character Bonnie is just so cute with her short hair.

Madalynn’s hair is so thick, but at the same time it’s baby silky so it doesn’t hold ANYTHING… barrettes, bows, pony tails or pig tails.  So I went ahead, and got it cut, and I love it… I think it is so sweet, and actually makes her look  younger.

I love how it flips up in the back.

‘He Holds Everything’ – Point of Grace

Waiting for that other shoe to drop
And you swear this world’s gonna come to a stop
Drowning on dry land and can’t come up for air
Your knees are so weak and you look at that mountain
Say there’s no way over and no way around it
And it feels like you’re so far from home
Even God’s not there
But

Oh but every single sparrow flying
And every broken soul that’s crying
He can see yeah you’re in His reach
If He can hold an ocean back with one little shore
Then what’s all this worry and doubting for
Oh I believe He holds everything

When it’s late at night and you’re staring at the stack of bills
It don’t add up and you don’t know how it will
Clinging to your mother’s faith with a half-hearted prayer
But you still don’t know

When the anchor man breaks in on your TV
And says these times they won’t be easy
And fear sets in and you wanna give in
Just let it go
Oh let it go

Every single sparrow flying
And every broken soul that’s crying
He can see yeah you’re in His reach
If he can hold an ocean back with one little shore
Then what’s all this worry and doubting for
Oh I believe, yeah I believe He holds everything, he holds everything