5 weeks home... time to go back to work!!!

Well the day I have been dreading is upon me. Tomorrow I have to go back to work, and leave my baby girl. This will be the first time we've been apart in the last 6 weeks. Except for a 1/2 hour walk with her Grandpa this afternoon, she & I have always been together since she was placed in my arms on March 5th.

I know she will be in very good care as my Mom will be taking care of her so I'm not worried about her. I'm just dreading how much I'm going to miss her. I keep reminding myself that this won't be as hard as it was to give her back to her foster Mom on my 2 visit trips, and we'll settle into a new routine over the coming weeks.

On a different note she figured out how to splash in her bath tonight!! It was too cute, thankfully they were little splashes, and not the get Mommy, and the entire bathroom wet kind of splashes. She is crawling EVERYWHERE. The woodfloor that used to slow her down is no longer an issue. She is also beginning to pull herself up on things. She seems to be changing everyday.

Spring & Dream Big!!

Finally!! We've had a few days in the 70's!!! I know this isn't the best picture b/c Madalynn isn't looking at the camera I think Madalynn must be thinking... geeee it does actually get warm here. I just LOOOOOVE this outfit with the coordinating headband.... it is way too cute. Makes Mommy think she needs to buy some more headbands... hee-heee. I also saw some buds on the tree outside my kitchen window this morning....so that's a good sign.

Madalynn's personality is really coming out. Her goofiness just kills me. She can blow raspberries unlike anyone I've ever heard, and I don't mean the stick out your tongue, and do a zerbert kind of raspberry... I'm talking about puckering out her lips so much so that the bottom lip protudes pretty far out (think Bubba in Forrest Gump, well okay... maybe not THAT much), and then she zerberts... it is way too funny. When she really wants to get going she'll incorporate her hand, or her arm I'll try to get a photo and/or video of it to post.

She still makes my heart want to burst. I thank God for letting me be her Mommy. Tonight she fell asleep in my arms, and I just kept looking at her, kissing her sweet little hand, and holding back tears over how much I love this precious girl. Also, in these moments I will very often think of her birthmother, and the fact that she is missing this, and that makes me sad.

I've been thinking lately about dreams, and particularly dreaming BIG!! Madalynn is the biggest dream I've ever had that came true, and it didn't just HAPPEN... it required effort, work, time, and physical, mental, emotional & spiritual energy. Also, it wasn't something I could do on my own (being a bred in the blood yankee accepting help is tough for me), I had so many people along the way helping me in practical ways, and supportive emotional ways.

It seems to me that oftentimes when I've heard something said of Walt Disney (the man not the theme park), it's something like 'He had a plan, or a vision, or a dream to have....' & fill in the blank. My point in saying this is that it occured to me that not only did Walt dream, but he dreamed BIG!!! Not only did he dream big, but he continued to dream. From what I know of him it seems as if he always had dreams in the works. Not only did he dream big, and have lots of dreams, but he didn't listen to those who told him his dreams weren't possible.

I did some online searchers to find out what Walt had to say about dreams, I found these quotes that I love;

All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them. -Walt Disney

The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing. -Walt Disney

When you believe in a thing, believe in it all the way, implicitly and unquestionable. -Walt Disney

I'm not quite sure what my next dream is, but I'm going to go to the Father, and seek His wisdom in it.

Home 4 weeks!!!

We've been home for 4 weeks today!! It's gone by waaaaay too fast, especially for Mommy. I still delight in every little thing from the big 4 dimpled grin to the fussing at 3:30am... I love it all the good, the bad, and the ugly. I keep kind of expecting this feeling to fade like this is a bit of a 'honeymoon' but so far it hasn't. I adore this little girl, and I thank God everyday that I get to be her Mommy.



Several people have approached me lately that they are considering adoption. Adoption is my favorite subject!!! I would just say to anyone out there if you've ever even had the slightest tug on your heart to adopt to give a tug back on that thread. Just take a first step to find out about it... talk to someone who's adopted, go to an informational meeting at an agency, or adoption association, just do something to find out more. For me it is the greatest thing I've ever done, and I would encourage anyone else to at least consider it. Yes, there are scary things (which is true with pregnancy as well), but that is where faith & trust come in. You just have to take that first step out into the great unknown...



“When you come to the edge of all the light you know and are about to step off into the darkness of the unkonwn, Faith is knowing one of two things will happen: either there will be something solid to stand on, or you will be taught how to fly."
-Patrick Overter



I don't know if Mr. Overter was a Christian or not, but I think there is so much truth in that quote. God will make a bridge appear, or he will give you wings.... either way you're going to be okay, and have an amazing story to tell!!



The journey to bring Madalynn home is one I cherish... all the highs & lows. God revealed so much of His character to me, about how I can trust Him, and that He will provide in the big AND small things. I am thankful for every step. I know there are still mountains ahead, but this process has given me a foundation for whatever Madalynn & I will face in the future.



I borrowed this from another adoptive Mom's blog because I just loved it. If you can relate to ANY of these things I would again encourage you to tug that thread & see what happens... the reward will be great!!





Priceless...You know you are an adoptive mother (or you should be!) if:



1. The fact that there are 143 million children without a parent to kiss them goodnight has ever made you lose sleep.



2. You realize DNA has nothing to do with love and family.



3. You can't watch Adoption Stories on TLC without sobbing.



4. The fact that if 7% of Christians adopted 1 child, there would be no orphans in the world is convicting to you.



5. You spend free time surfing blogs about families who have experienced the blessing of adoption.



6. It drives you crazy when people ask you about your adopted child's "real" parents.



7. You have ever been "pregnant" with your adoptive child longer than it takes an elephant to give birth (2 years!)



8. You had no idea how you would afford to adopt but stepped out in faith anyway knowing where God calls you He will provide.



9. You have ever taken a airplane ride half way around the world with a child you just met.



10. You believe God's heart is for adoption.



11. You realize that welcoming a child into your heart and family is one of the most important legacy's you could ever leave on this earth.



12. You shudder when people say your child is so lucky that you adopted them, knowing full well you are the blessed one to have them in your life.



13. You know what the word Dossier means and you can actually pronounce it!



14. You have welcomed a social worker into the most private parts of your life.



15. You know full well that the journey of your child coming into your family is one of the most wonderful, miraculous things that has ever happened to you.

Actual Crawling...

Well the other night after my 'spiritual crawling' post... Madalynn literally crawled. It wasn't quite the up on all fours crawling... it was more let me pull myself along on my forearms & elbows which according to Ga-Ga is how Mommy crawled. We're going to try to get it on video... she hasn't exactly taken off yet, but I'm sure in no time she will be ALL OVER THE PLACE!! Time to baby-proof.

I found the cutest bananas at the grocery store & they're Madalynn size... can you even handle how cute these are??

I also found some knock off crocs at Target!! How cute is she in her hat & crocs??? The weather still hasn't turned here in the northeast, but we're hoping soon!!

And here is a picture of Madalynn's bottle & Mommy's bottle!! Since Madalynn has been home, Mommy has increased her consumption of Starbucks!!

She continues to do very well, and is saying MumMa, MumMa quite a bit. She just cracks us up all the time, as she is quite goofy. One of her favorite games is the 'coughing' game, where she 'fakes' a little cough, and then you do the same... this can go on for awhile.

We have our first of 3 follow up homestudy visits on Monday. The hoops you have to jump through to continually prove to strangers that you are a competent parent just amaze me. I understand the reasoning behind it. But, I still compare it to parents who give birth in a hospital... do they have a social worker come into their home 3x within the first 6 months of bringing the baby home? Oyyyy... I won't go there. I will just say that Madalynn is worth all of it, and I would do much more for her, the smile that greets me from the crib each morning is worth it alone!!

Spiritual Crawling...

I know I mentioned on my previous blog how much I love relating God to the image of a loving parent.

Lately I've been watching Madalynn as she's trying to get herself coordinated enough to crawl. Most of the time she ends up spinning around on her belly until she has spun enough times to reach her desired object. Or... she will stretch her arms & legs as long as she possibly can to try & reach it. Then, if she can't get it she gets all mad & sad in the face, and it just makes me chuckle (I know... I'm a mean Mommy).

Anyway, it occured to me today... does our heavenly father do the same thing? Does He watch us working, stretching, and trying to reach something just out of our grasp? Does it give Him a chuckle, or a smile because He knows we'll get our desired object after we've grown a little? Or,sometimes if it is something we really need, He is going to give it to us without the struggle? He will step in & help when it is needed, but like any wise parent He will also let us struggle, working hard to develop the skills & muscle we need to move to the next level.

I know too, like a good parent He is always right along side us, being our greatest cheerleader... encouraging, and celebrating as we make the small milestones. Does it make Him proud & bring a tear to His eye when we reach our goal & we are ready for the next skill, does he clap & cheer? I like to think He does (with the chorus of heaven backing Him up).

I could make this really theological & go in to why we always want something just out our grasp, but I'll leave that for another post.

On to another subject today my friend Robin & her kids Valerie & John invited Madalynn & I over for a playdate... it was Madalynn's first playdate 'out'. We had a great time... aside from Madalynn taking a swipe at Valerie's face... we're going to work on that.

Robin took some more amazing pictures... these are some of my favorites. She is so gifted.

Mommy guilt over 1st haircut...

Ga-Ga & I took Madalynn for her 1st haircut yesterday, and Mommy has felt bad ever since... I loved her hair & the little curls, but we thought it could just use a little 'shaping'... I think the hairdresser cut it too short, and I didn't want her to touch her bangs... but she went STRAIGHT across!! Aren't you supposed to cut IN to bangs?? I don't know I'm not a professional. I know it will grow back... Mommy is hoping it will grow back fast!!! The best part was when the hairdresser told me that Madalynn & I have the same eyes... I just smiled & said 'Thank you', exchanging a knowing look with my Mom.


BEFORE:
Getting ready.... Mommy WHAT is going on???




DURING: What is this??



AFTER: Does Mommy's face say it all? Madalynn is just glad it's over.




Saturday night we went to a Gasphetti Scupper (as Jessica says) at my niece & nephew's school. My sister-in-law took Madalynn off to meet some of her friends, and a few minutes later I saw her heading back to me. Madalynn had this sad little look on her face, and was saying 'MumMa, MumMa'.... melted this MumMa's heart!!!

She has been saying MumMa a lot lately. Mostly when she's upset or in need of something... which is fine with me!! I'm always looking for little signs that she's attaching to me, and I love these little cues.


This past Sunday I took Madalynn to church for the first time. She did great in the hour & half long service. She did get fidgety at the end, but was great all in all. I know eventually I'll have to transition her to the nursery. This picture is after we came home. This is one of my favorite outfits, but unfortunately it is getting a little snug, so I don't think she'll be wearing it again.

Home 3 weeks!!

Baby girl has been in my arms for 4 weeks, and home for 3 weeks!!! Whoo-Hooo!!! (2 more weeks until Mommy goes back to work booo-hooooo).


Anyway, in my 4 weeks of being a full-time Mom I have the following questions;


Why am I doing more laundry for myself? I always knew being a new Mom would mean a lot more laundry, but I always assumed it would be HER laundry, I'm trying to figure out why I'm going through more clothes for myself.

Why are my hands so dry? I've always been a compulsive hand washer, and would maybe apply lotion once a day, but now I keep lotion EVERYWHERE, and will hunt for it if unseen. Currently on my bathroom vanity there are 3 tubes of Crabtree & Evelyn hand therapy (10 points if you can guess what scents they are; hint 2 are the same).

Will I ever carry a purse again? I LOOOOVE purses, more than shoes. I haven't carried a purse since Madalynn was placed in my arms. My purse has been replaced with an enormous bag filled with bottles, diapers, wipes, and rattles, granted it's a fabulous Vera Bradley bag that my Mom got a great deal on, but it's not a purse.

When did I become a member of the WWE?? I never imagined a 17lb/ 8 month old baby could wrestle soooooo much. As a new WWE member what should my professional name be? (10 points for coming up with something fun).



When did I stop wearing lipstick, and start wearing chapstick? (I know the answer to this one... I don't like to kiss Madalynn's sweet face when I have glitterly lipstick/gloss on, so I just wear chapstick... most of you who know me well are probably the most surprised by this one).


Why can I not seem to get myself in the shower before noontime?


When did I learn to fall asleep to the buzzing hum of a monitor? And, when did I learn to jump up at the slightest sound on that monitor?


When did my heart start walking around outside of me, and take up residence in this almost toothless grinned, wild haired girl?

I LOOOOVE all of it!!!