Being Single...

I have spent my entire life single. When I was in high school (yes high school) all I dreamed of was getting married, and having kids. I figured that would happen in college... it didn't. I did feel discouraged at this point wondering where I would meet "HIM". My 20's went by in various churches, and jobs. In my late 20's I got plugged into a dynamic singles group at my church. These were great years where I met some amazing friends that I still have today. We had grand (and not so grand) adventures together. But, alas... "HE" was still not to be found.



Now I am grateful that I didn't meet him in my 20's. Looking back I LOOOVED my 20's. I really found out who I am, and felt comfortable, and confident embracing that woman. I don't know that would have happened as a married version of me.



I've loved my 30's too. That woman I became in my 20's I've come to completely own in my 30's. My 30's have given me the freedom to let go of priorities from my 20's, and relax in my singleness. The desperation I felt to meet someone when I was younger has disappeared. I'm more resigned to life as a single woman, and now a single Mom.



In my 'About Me' section of this blog I say "I'm a single Mom by choice". I say 'by choice' so people will understand this is not a decision I have made lightly of flippantly. I sought God from the beginning of this journey, and now seek His wisdom, and guidance as a single Mom raising a daughter. I also sought the wisdom, and counsel of family, and friends. I don't know God's reasoning for calling me to this life, but this is where He has brought me, and I'm trusting Him to continue to provide.



Being single has it's rough days (as I'm sure marriage does too). There is a loneliness, and quiet in being single that unless you've lived it I don't think you can truly understand. I'm not referring to the loneliness & quiet that comes from being alone at home (although that plays a part). I'm referring to a loneliness & quiet in all things you do. Daily things can be constant reminders of your singleness.

Thankfully as I've gotten older those days are less, and less. When I do have one of those days I call it a 'singleness sucks' day (sorry Mom.... I know you hate that word). Mostly what I long for is just someone to share my life with. If any of you have a single in your life I would encourage you to reach out to him/her (and if you know a single Christian guy around my age in the New England area send him my way... heee-heee), invite him/her over for dinner, or back for lunch after church.

I wondered how having Madalynn in my life would change my single perspective. Before I moved forward with my plans to become a Mom I wanted to be sure I wasn't going to use my child to fill the emptiness of being single, that's not fair to a child. She can't fill the space, and longing I have for a husband.

As I've reflected on my life now as a Mom it's interesting how my single life thinking has changed. Having Madalynn didn't make the longing for a man to share my life fade, and in some ways having her has made it more acute. I get so much joy & delight from her that it makes me sad there isn't a man here to share in that joy & delight. To share in her celebrations, and her sorrows. Someone who will know her as well as I do. A co-cheerleader if you will. Of course there's all the practical things that having a husband would make easier as well.

She has brought life to a house that used to be empty, and truly made it a home.

I still pray everyday for God to provide a husband, however I know it will be okay if I come to the end of this life having never known that relationship.

Just Curious #3

Just curious that if you name a food item 'Vanilla Bean...' does that mean it's better than just 'Vanilla...'?? And as a sub question... can it be 'Vanilla' without a 'Bean'?

Garden Update #1

Just an update on my garden... they haven't died yet....

Week 1





Week #2








If you look close you can see some buds on this one.







Week #1






Week #2









And just a picture of Ga-Ga & Madalynn from today...

Family Day

We had a family celebration today, honoring my cousin Gary who got married. This is what baby-girl wore. I didn't ask anyone for permission to post their pictures so I'll just put pics of Madalynn. Congratulations to Gary & Jamie!!!

I know this picture is out of focus, but I just LOOOVE the expression on her face.

Memorial Day

As is our family tradition we went back to my hometown for their memorial day parade. I think it's such an important day to stop and honor, and remember all of those serving, and have served to protect freedom, and the values of this country. I love that my family is passing this honor and respect on to the next generation.

A member of my family has served in every branch of the military. My Dad was in the marine corp, my brother Rob was in the navy, my grandfather Albert, was a career army man, and my cousin Andy served in the Air Force. The memorial service at the end of the parade is held at the cemetary where my grandfather is buried. I got very emotional going to his grave with Madalynn for the first time. I know he would love to meet her, and watch her grow, along with her cousins.

On to a lighter note, Madalynn was all decked out in red, white & blue right down to her shoes!! You can see them in this stroller picture. Also notice the stars & stripes hair bows.

To anyone serving in the military, or any veteran who served in wartime or peace. Thank you for your service, and sacrifice, and for protecting those of us at home.

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Re-Decorating

A few months ago I saw the cutest ducky bathroom set at Target, and thought when my parents move out I was going to re-decorate Madalynn's bathroom in a kid type theme. Not ALL ducks everywhere just some duck accessories, and this rug was what really sold me on it... too cute!!

This is the shower curtain (yes Mom I know the shower curtain needs to be ironed), hooks, and towels I got to accessorize. This was going to be the extent of it. I let her pick out the shower curtain hooks... it was all ducks, or a mix of ducks, frogs, and turtles. She immediately went for the ducks. Which was fine with me as I'm not a big fan of reptiles.

So, while Madalynn was taking her nap I went to work, and I couldn't wait to show it to her.

I brought her in to show her, and then popped back in her room for a second, and I heard her start to cry... she's scared of the duck!! Poor thing. I picked her up, and brought her out of the bathroom in case it was something else, but when I tried to bring her back in she CLIMBED me not to go back. So, needless to say the duck rug is going back to Target, and we'll accessorize another way.

Then I also found these Classic Pooh wall decals. It is just the right touch her room needed. Thankfully she's not scared of these.

Just a few more pics from our day today.... the weather was just gorgeous so Mommy had to play with her camera!!

Baby Love

I did it!!! I broke down, and bought my new camera!! I love, love, love it!!! I got it Thursday afternoon, and have already taken over 100 pics of baby girl (don't worry I won't post them all here). Robin & Amy I had no idea what I was missing. So, I am now officially digitial... using all my fun lenses, and trying to figure out all the fun settings on this beast. I'd forgotten how much I love to take pictures. I've really missed it.

In other news, my parents moved into their new place Thursday, and it is just beautiful!! I am so excited for them but sad that it's further away (still under 1/2 an hour I think that's the maximum radius they'll live away from their grandchildren). I hope to take some pics soon & I'll share when I do.

"Ummm....did you say Ga-Ga & Grandpa are staying here & not coming home with us??"

Madalynn definitely misses them. Our first morning to wake up with out them I brought her out into the living room, and she was looking around like 'Hey... where's my greeting committee?' I'm sure it will be an adjustment for her to go from having 3 adults giving her undivided attention to one adult who is also trying to run the household. She also started saying Grandpa when we went to their house yesterday. It came out like 'Bo-Ba'. She'll be getting that pony now.

She is now standing up in her crib too, what a big shot!!

I love flowers. the colors, the scents, the blossoms, everything!! However, anyone who knows me well knows I do not like to garden (it goes back to that looking at nature vs. participating in nature thing). I think it also has to do with my meticulous nature. I'm a very precise person, and gardening is not precise. I need specific directions. With gardening it's very vague, and a lot of it you just have to 'know'. The watering thing alone stresses me out... how much water, how often, what if it just rained? Oyyyy.

This is my second spring in this house/condo, and last year I did a couple container plantings. They did ok... not great (especially the daisies... sorry guys you're such a friendly flower too). So, I'm trying again this year, and got a little bit more ambitious adding 3 large containers along my front walk. I've taken their pictures, and will keep my blog updated as things progress. Maybe we could start a pool to find out how long before I kill them??

Double impatiens on the front porch.

One of the 3 new containers on my front walk. I couldn't do the other 2 b/c I didn't have enough potting soil.

More impatients on the back deck.