One Year.

One year has gone by. I can't believe it. For me it's amazing to think about all the emotional ups and downs of the journey to bring Madalynn home, and how my thoughts, emotions, and heart were all consumed with all things adoption related. Now that feeling has faded in the comfort, and peace of having her home. However, I can very easily draw those feelings to the surface just by remembering where I was a little over a year ago.

A lot has happened in that year...

365 bedtimes

365 different outfits (well not really, but you know what I mean :-)

365 "Good Morning Pumpkin"

1 Birthday

1 Christmas

365 days, and yet I still

• Love to say 'my daughter'.
• Haven't forgotten the 2 journeys I took to get to this point...
  • The first waiting 35 years to become a Mom.
  • The second... the 2+ year road I took that led me to her.
• Can't believe how much I've changed.
• Can't believe how much I haven't changed.
• Fear someone will knock on my door one day, and say there was a big mistake, and they have to take her away.
• Cringe everytime I see the word adopt used to refer to everything from trees, to stars, to ducks to videos.
• Long for a husband for me, and a Dad for her.
• Feel humbled, and grateful that my heavenly Father would entrust her to me.
• Feel guilty for all the children in the world without homes, and wonder why God leads some to earthly homes, and some not.
• Love my weekends & days off when it's just me & her.
• Love shopping for clothes for her.
• Always Sometimes laugh at things she does, when I should be correcting her.
• Love Fridays when I trade in my handbag for a diaper bag.
• Look at her everyday in amazement that she is here, and I get to be her Mom.
• Think of her birthmom everyday, and wish she could see what a joy, and delight she is.
• Miss the last stage she just was.
• Am excited for the stage she's about to be.

Forever & ever day...

Some call it 'Gotcha Day', some call it 'Forever Family Day', some call it 'Forever & ever day'... some celebrate it on the day their child was placed in their homes forever, some on the day they land on US soil. Whatever you call it, or whenever you celebrate it, all of us touched by the miracle of adoption know the significance of this day.

For us, our forever and ever day is tomorrow March 5th. The day Madalynn was placed in my arms forever. I still have the outfit she was wearing that day...

Not the greatest picture of us, but this was the moment... I am looking at the foster Mom in this picture. While it was such a joyful day for me, it was a heartbreaking one for her. I didn't walk into the room, and just take Madalynn... I sat on a couch next to her & her foster Mom for a little while until Madalynn, and the foster Mom were ready. Upon giving her to me the foster Mom quickly told me she was ready for a bottle, and a nap. I think at that point she needed to leave. I can't imagine what these foster Mom's go through.

The night before my flight out to pick her up an ice storm was predicted for the next morning, so my Mom (being a Mom) thought it best that I stay at a hotel near the airport so I could just hop on a shuttle in the A.M, and not drive the hour from our house in ice. So I agreed. I was pretty much packed, but remember having to rush a bit, and rearrange how things were packed to allow for an overnight stay. As I was walking out my front door, I just hugged my Mom, and started crying as I knew at that moment by stepping out of my door I was stepping out of my childless life, and stepping into my new life of motherhood.

There was no sense of loss in that moment, I wasn't crying feeling I needed to grieve the loss of my single life.

It was just the opposite, it was knowing I was less than 24 hours away from having my sweetest dream come true. It has been better than I imagined it would be.

This was my heart 1 year ago tonight...

All my bags are packed...

March 4, 2008

... I'm ready to go!!!! I can't believe it. I'm teary-eyed just typing this.

Tomorrow at 3pm Guatemala time Madalynn will be placed in my arms forever. I won't ever have to give her back, oyyy, here come the tears again!!!

Get ready... coming up on one year home!!!

This was my blog post from about one year ago when I was in the final weeks before she came home.  It includes a post from 2 years ago, before she was even born.

February 22, 2008 Reflecting...

The past 24 hours I've been processing so much of this reality. My daughter is going to be home in just a few weeks. I'm sure I'm going through all the emotions that Mom's do right before they're due to give birth. Will I be good enough for her? What will our life together be like? What will her personality be? Can I love her enough? Will I be a good Mom? I'm sure once she is here sleeping in her room all these questions, thoughts & worries will just disappear, and she & I will just 'BE'.

I looked back to my blog entries from last March & this is what I wrote on March 2nd.

Marathon...
...not a sprint.

March 2, 2007

The last week I have had some concerns with pursuing an adoption in Guatemala which I won't go into here... bottom line is after much prayer and consideration I have decided to continue on this road until something stops me. I re-read the bible verse I have on my home page of this blog

"Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, 'This is the way; Walk in it." - Isiah 30:21

I realized that adoption is not a journey for the faint of heart, and if I run and hide everytime I get scared I will never find my child.

So, taking another step of faith I am trusting that the Lord has my child in Guatemala, and until something insurmontable happens to stop me I need to forge ahead.

God was leading me on this journey, and now the finish line is in sight, and a whole new journey begins. I am still humbled that He has called me to be this little girl's Mommy, I pray He will give me the wisdom, grace & strength for the task.

 

The line below is so true...

I'm sure once she is here sleeping in her room all these questions, thoughts & worries will just disappear, and she & I will just 'BE'.

although I still have my moments of doubt, and I daily pray for wisdom to be her Mommy, we quickly settled into a routine of 'US'... we just are what we are.  We are a family. 

She has brought a life and energy into this house, making it a home, filled with giggles, cries, cheerios (EVERYWHERE), sippy cups, Pooh bears, Sesame Street, animal crackers, strong will, waking up in the middle of the night, stepping on unexpected items.

On  a side note, I painted her toenails for the first time this weekend... she's VERY proud of them (and has now discovered my stash of nail polish... this can't be good).

 

Can you say melted heart??

Tonight I went through the normal routine of putting Madalynn to bed.  I hug her, kiss her, lay her down in her crib, and will usually kiss my fingers, and touch her face. 

Tonight I did all this, and then went to adjust the humidifier, and as I walked back to the door she scrambled up, and reached her arms out something she's NEVER done she loves going to bed.  So, I thought 'Oh no, she's not going to go down'.  I just reached over the rail, and gave her a hug, and she hugged me back, and then laid back down to go to sleep. 

She just wanted to give me a hug....

19 Months Old

I said to my Mom the other day 'Madalynn turned 19 months old yesterday'... to which she replied in a sing-songy voice "She's almost 2!!"... To which I replied in a sing-songy voice "No, she's not!!"

It seems as if in the last couple of weeks her vocabulary has jumpstarted.

Qweeee... now Qweeeesssse (please)

Dank Do (Thank you)

Where Goooo? (Sometimes, with the name of the missing person/object thrown in, and her hands upturned)

Der issss!!  (There it is)

Ga-Ga (Grandma)

Bompa (Grandpa)

Pooh (Pooh as in Winnie-the, not the other kind)

Pug (Piglet)

Tgghheer (Tiiiiiggger)

Rah (Uncle Rob)

Bawl (Ball)

Bwoon (Balloon)

Juh (Juice)

Mulmo (Elmo)

Cah (truck)

... and of course my favorite...

MummmMa

 

 

 

The girl who hated Valentine's Day...

This is a story of the girl who hated Valentine's Day... well maybe hate is a strong world, but I hated had a strong dislike for Valentine's Day.  Holidays are tough as a single as it is, but for me New Years Eve, and Valentine's Day were always the worst.  Just a worldly reminder that I'm walking through this life unattached.

That is until this year.... this year I have my dining room hutch looking like Cupid threw up.

The difference this year is I have a little pumpkin that I can lavish love on, and create traditions with.  I know it's cliche, and sappy but she has filled my heart with overflowing love.

We began a new tradition this year of going to my parents house for a Valentine breakfast with the rest of the family.  It was a great day.  I made some fun cupcakes which I didn't get a pic of... next year.

What happens when....

... Grandpa babysits & has to change a diaper....

This is what I saw when I took her coat off upon arriving home... that is her onesie sticking out... not snapped, and not tucked.... made me laugh out loud.  We love Grandpa!!