Random pics...

The weather was moderate this weekend so we did get to go outside for a little bit or as Madalynn says 'side' with a pointy finger...

Does this face not say it all w/ the camera?? Seriously though, she laughs & smiles a lot... I don't know what it is when I try to take her picture.

In another department... Madalynn started using the potty this weekend... I won't get into all the details (nor will I post  the picture of her on the potty), but we're just starting. 

And... yesterday was opening day in Red Sox nation although due to the never ending New England rain it was played today.  So, in honor of Grandpa I dressed her in her Red Sox gear.  I'm curious if any other city in the United States covers their teams opening day like we do here in Boston.  All of the local news stations had anchors broadcasting live from Fenway Park (not the sports anchors... the NEWS anchors).  All the weather reports are centered around the game,  people slept outside of Fenway since Saturday night in line for tickets... seriously it's like a disease around here.

Before The Dawn

I'm still trying to figure out what God is telling me.  My Mom asked me today "Are you praying about it?" to which I responded... 'Continually'.

It occurred to me after my last post, that the saying goes 'It's always darkest before the dawn'.  So maybe, God is about to reveal this part of my painting, and it will be clear. 

This darkness isn't a depression, or feeling of despair I'm living in, it's just a major area of my life that I have no vision of (and it's not my much blogged about state of singleness... it's a different area).  God has not revealed where He is leading me... the door or window haven't opened to light the way.

I'm wondering if I'm struggling with trust to a degree.  I've prayed for a spouse for 18 years or more, and I've never even come close.  So, in light of that unanswered petition am I reluctant to trust that God will provide in other areas? 

On the other hand, God has answered my long prayed for desire to be a Mom, in a miraculous way that still amazes me daily. 

I think in my humanness I'm inclined, and tempted to focus on the unanswered prayers. Or at the very least know He can be trusted, but He may take decades to answer.

However, I remind myself of the character of God the things I know to be true;

• God loves me.
• He has purposes beyond my own to allow or disallow events in my life.
• His word is true.
• He can be trusted.
• He has plans for me beyond what I can imagine.

So today I make a choice to trust.

 

God's Painting

I once heard the analogy that God is weaving our lives together like a tapestry, however, we can only see the back side of the tapestry.  If you have ever done needlework of any kind you know the back of the piece is a mess (well, for me anyway).  You see all the places you had to knot off colors, where you had to stretch to bring a color to a new area, etc.  This earthly life is the back of the tapestry.  Only in heaven will we get to see the other side, the beautiful side that is clear, and makes sense, and I believe it will take our breath away.

There is a line in the Steven Curtis Chapman song 'God Is God', it says....

God is God and I am not
I can only see a part of the picture He's painting
God is God and I am man
So I'll never understand it all
For only God is God

The line I underlined is the same principle.  We are standing much too close to the painting to see the whole picture.  We only see a fraction of a miniscule amount.

The part of my painting that I'm seeing right now has me puzzled. 

Part of it has all the colors of the most beautiful sunrise sky that I've ever seen.  Imagine a sky with every hue of pink from the palest of pale, to the deepest of deep, and then it morphs into shades of indigo, violet, and deep purples, all the way to shades of twilight.  It takes my breath away

That portion of my painting is Madalynn.  All that is soft, and beautiful in my life.  Her life is new, and just dawning.  She is my light.

The other part I'm seeing is complete black, and darkness.... nothingness. (Don't take this to mean I'm living in a feeling of despair, that's not what I'm saying).  This is an area in my life that I'm seeking direction. 

How can these two images co-exist? 

I feel as if God is calling me to something beyond myself.  Finding something more to this life.  It should be interesting...

Chicks Rule!!

Just a quick update.

We had a Pampered Chef party last weekend, and a friend I met on my first trip to Guatemala, who JUST happens to live in New England was able to come with her beautiful daughter Isabelle... It made my heart burst to see our 2 girls together... I hope it was the first of many get-togethers (once we get Madalynn to stop hitting, and pushing... I think she needs to start spending time with some kids her own age :-)! Isabelle's Mom got some great pics.  This is the only one I got w/ them both looking at the camera.

Then as a surprise in the mail yesterday I got an outfit for Madalynn from my aunt that she found on a business trip... HOW CUTE IS THIS?!

This post is part of "Hi/Lo Thursday" on the Riggs Family Blog. Check out their blog to read everyone else's "Hi/Lo" posts and get your link on their site.




My spiritual 'Hi' this week is a new stirring in my heart that God is asking me to step out, and live a life beyond what I'm doing now.

My emotional 'Low' this week is fear as to what the future will hold, and my ability to provide for me & my daughter.

This concludes our one year reflections...

This was my blog entry a year ago, the day after we arrived home.

I had several moments of unexpected tears yesterday. I knew I would be emotional when we landed in Atlanta, and I was, as that plane touched down (usually my least favorite part of flying I HATE landings). But, this time I was holding my daughter in my arms, and then my Dad put his hand on my arm, and we looked at each other, and just welled up. I expected those tears (and yes Kassie they were happy tears).

I didn't expect to cry the day before when I was handed her passport & visa, I didn't expect to cry as I held her in my arms, and boarded the shuttle bus to the airport in Guatemala City, I didn't expect to cry when we got through immigration, and the agent said 'Welcome home', I didn't expect to cry when riding the escalator at the airport, and the woman ahead of me asked how old she was, and I told her, and then said 'She just became a US citizen'. I didn't expect to cry as I was typing this.

I did expect to cry when we got in last night, and my Mom, brother, sister-in-law, nieces & nephew, and aunt were all anxiously waiting, they had 'Welcome Home' balloons, and my Mom bought a yellow sweetheart nosegay for her.

I finally collapsed into bed at about 2:30am, and I don't think I moved a muscle until about 7:00 when I got up to check on my pumpkin who was still sleeping.

Thank you all again for all your support, I can't wait for everyone to meet her. It was so wonderful to unpack my suitcases this morning, and not leave one packed for my next trip to Guatemala. Baby girl is home!!

I didn't expect to have tears reading all that again, but I did. I'll never forget that moment when the plane touched down in Atlanta, and my Dad & I just looked at each other, our eyes filled with tears, just exchanging a knowing look.

This year has flown by, and it still seems like just yesterday. Motherhood continues to be better than I imagined it would be. I keep waiting for the honeymoon to end. While her strong will can be a challenge at times, I wouldn't change a thing.

She has such a great personality... so feisty, and independent one minute, and then a little lovebug the next. I feel blessed, thankful, and still a little scared to be her Mom.

She is my heart, my joy, my life.

Celebration...

Thursday we had a small cake & balloons party to celebrate our 'Forever & Ever Day'.  My parents, brother & SIL came over with Madalynn's cousins for a small celebration.

My parents got her a balloon as big as she is that said "Happy Forever & Ever Day"

That morning when I dropped her off at my Mom's before work, I had my Mom take our picture...

Then this past Saturday we had a photo shoot with my dear friend Robin (click to check out her website... if you live in the New England area, and need a photographer for a special event,  wedding, or just want portraits done... go to Robin... you WON'T be disappointed).  Anyway... here are just a FEW of my favorites.  If you want to see all 186 you can go here.