A new glimpse of faith...

I've been reflecting a lot lately on suffering.  (I know... great fun topic Terri... thanks for the pick me up).   I'm not sure why as I'm not experiencing any significant suffering right now, especially when compared to what others are going through.  Maybe it's in light of Easter just passing. 

I think suffering is the biggest roadblock to people trusting God, and one of the biggest challenges for those who already trust Him.

I believe He reveals His character as much in the suffering (if not more) as in the joy.  For some reason we tend to reach out, rebel against, wrestle with, collapse before God more in our times of trial,  thus drawing us closer to Him, and His character... even when we're angry with Him.

I follow blogs of people going through much greater struggles than my simple life.... children with terminal illnesses,  children who have passed away, Moms now struggling to raise children on their own after going through death of a spouse or divorce...  All trying to live a life they didn't sign up for.

There is a quote...

Love of God is pure when joy and suffering inspire an equal degree of gratitude   - Simone Weil

This is a level of faith going beyond trusting God through the suffering, but getting to the point of thankfulness for the suffering.  That is a high level of intimacy with God.  I think it has to come after trust.

I liken it to being a parent, and having to hold down your child for a medical procedure, or to administer medicine.  It's for the childs own good she can trust her Father, and perhaps when she grows she'll be able to thank her Father for putting her through that because

• As she grows she'll learn it was for her own good.
• She'll realize it made her into the person she is today.

That's easy in an analogy on paper but when you're facing major life struggles as these people I've mentioned above it's not that simple.

These women are in the depths of their new reality.  They're seeking God, and at times are thankful for what God is revealing.  They inspire me to strive to walk stronger in my faith.  What would I do in their shoes?  Would I be still seeking God or would I turn my back on Him in anger?

There is a song by CeCe Winans called "Alabaster Box", in which she is singing as the woman who washed Jesus' feet with her hair, and expensive perfume.  She says...

And I've come to pour
My praise on Him-like oil
From Mary's alabaster box
Don't be angry if I wash His feet with my tears
And dry them with my hair
You weren't there-the night He found me
You did not feel what I felt
When He wrapped His loving arms around me
And you don't know the cost
Of the oil in my alabaster box

I've always thought it was such a beautiful song, even moves me to tears.  But, I never truly got it before, particularly the last line... "You don't know the cost of the oil in my alabaster box".  Now I've come to realize the COST she is referring to is her pain, and suffering in life, and she lays it all at Jesus' feet.  As she turns it back into praise to her savior.

There is also a praise chorus that says...

Blessed Be Your Name on the road marked with suffering... though there's pain in the offering... Blessed be your name.

I think I'm beginning to grasp the idea of an offering of suffering.

Happy Easter

We had a great Easter with family yesterday. 

Madalynn ended up in my bed Saturday night, so I had to get up, and get the camcorder set up on the tripod so I could take still pix of her checking out her basket.

... and just like last year... the grass was just as interesting as what was in the basket....

 

Then we had birdie in the nest for breakfast... except I used a butterfly cookie cutter to make a butterfly in the nest I guess...

The weather was frigid so I only got a couple pics in her dress if you look close you can see on her right wrist a jade bracelet I bought her in Guatemala... once it warms up I'm going to get her in it again & take her picture...

After a delicious meal at my Mom's we had the Easter egg hunt.  Madalynn found one egg, it happened to break open & that was it... she was all about the candy...wrapper & all... never mind finding more eggs...  She's never had candy before so this was BIG fun!!

That around her mouth is from ONE M&M... she bites them, and takes about 20 minutes to eat one.

Easter Eve...

I know we don't have Easter Eve, but I have a sense of anticipation for Easter tomorrow, not to the degree of Christmas Eve, but still.

The cooking is done... (this is the cake I made for tomorrow)...

 

Baby Girl is asleep....

Her basket is ready & waiting for tomorrow morning...

 

Her dress is pressed, and ready ...

This is the first holiday that we are celebrating for a second time together.  So, I love that I have the memories of what we did last year, what will be the same, and what will be different, and can continue traditions.

A look back at last year... I can't get over how little she was....

 

My prayer is for her to grow and know that this day means more than colored eggs, baskets, and bunnies.  It is God's promise to her for eternal life fulfilled through the resurrection of His son.

Happy Easter!!

To the other blogs...

I've posted before about my blog stalking reading.  How I love to peek in the windows of others lives via their blogs.

All of the blogs I read I go to for different reasons. 

Some I read b/c they're dear friends who live far, and it's a great way to stay caught up on what's going on in their life.

Some I go to for a laugh... I need to get a chuckle.

Some I go to for inspiration.  They uplift, offer insight, and wisdom.

Some are telling a story... a journey to bring a child home from a foreign land, a child struggling with a terminal illness, a husband dealing with his wife's chronic illness, etc. 

Most blogs offer bits of all of the above.

So, to all the blogs out there I stalk read... thank you. :-)

Random pics...

The weather was moderate this weekend so we did get to go outside for a little bit or as Madalynn says 'side' with a pointy finger...

Does this face not say it all w/ the camera?? Seriously though, she laughs & smiles a lot... I don't know what it is when I try to take her picture.

In another department... Madalynn started using the potty this weekend... I won't get into all the details (nor will I post  the picture of her on the potty), but we're just starting. 

And... yesterday was opening day in Red Sox nation although due to the never ending New England rain it was played today.  So, in honor of Grandpa I dressed her in her Red Sox gear.  I'm curious if any other city in the United States covers their teams opening day like we do here in Boston.  All of the local news stations had anchors broadcasting live from Fenway Park (not the sports anchors... the NEWS anchors).  All the weather reports are centered around the game,  people slept outside of Fenway since Saturday night in line for tickets... seriously it's like a disease around here.

Before The Dawn

I'm still trying to figure out what God is telling me.  My Mom asked me today "Are you praying about it?" to which I responded... 'Continually'.

It occurred to me after my last post, that the saying goes 'It's always darkest before the dawn'.  So maybe, God is about to reveal this part of my painting, and it will be clear. 

This darkness isn't a depression, or feeling of despair I'm living in, it's just a major area of my life that I have no vision of (and it's not my much blogged about state of singleness... it's a different area).  God has not revealed where He is leading me... the door or window haven't opened to light the way.

I'm wondering if I'm struggling with trust to a degree.  I've prayed for a spouse for 18 years or more, and I've never even come close.  So, in light of that unanswered petition am I reluctant to trust that God will provide in other areas? 

On the other hand, God has answered my long prayed for desire to be a Mom, in a miraculous way that still amazes me daily. 

I think in my humanness I'm inclined, and tempted to focus on the unanswered prayers. Or at the very least know He can be trusted, but He may take decades to answer.

However, I remind myself of the character of God the things I know to be true;

• God loves me.
• He has purposes beyond my own to allow or disallow events in my life.
• His word is true.
• He can be trusted.
• He has plans for me beyond what I can imagine.

So today I make a choice to trust.

 

God's Painting

I once heard the analogy that God is weaving our lives together like a tapestry, however, we can only see the back side of the tapestry.  If you have ever done needlework of any kind you know the back of the piece is a mess (well, for me anyway).  You see all the places you had to knot off colors, where you had to stretch to bring a color to a new area, etc.  This earthly life is the back of the tapestry.  Only in heaven will we get to see the other side, the beautiful side that is clear, and makes sense, and I believe it will take our breath away.

There is a line in the Steven Curtis Chapman song 'God Is God', it says....

God is God and I am not
I can only see a part of the picture He's painting
God is God and I am man
So I'll never understand it all
For only God is God

The line I underlined is the same principle.  We are standing much too close to the painting to see the whole picture.  We only see a fraction of a miniscule amount.

The part of my painting that I'm seeing right now has me puzzled. 

Part of it has all the colors of the most beautiful sunrise sky that I've ever seen.  Imagine a sky with every hue of pink from the palest of pale, to the deepest of deep, and then it morphs into shades of indigo, violet, and deep purples, all the way to shades of twilight.  It takes my breath away

That portion of my painting is Madalynn.  All that is soft, and beautiful in my life.  Her life is new, and just dawning.  She is my light.

The other part I'm seeing is complete black, and darkness.... nothingness. (Don't take this to mean I'm living in a feeling of despair, that's not what I'm saying).  This is an area in my life that I'm seeking direction. 

How can these two images co-exist? 

I feel as if God is calling me to something beyond myself.  Finding something more to this life.  It should be interesting...