Memories of Egypt

Disclaimer: Ok, I just realized this headline could be related to some current events, but it’s not. 

There is a Sara Groves song called “Painting Pictures of Egypt”  it says

I don’t want to leave here
I don’t want to stay
It feels like pinching to me either way

It’s not about losing faith
It’s not about trust
It’s all about comfortable
When you move so much
The place I was wasn’t perfect
But I had found a way to live
It wasn’t milk or honey
But then neither is this

I’ve been painting pictures of Egypt
Leaving out what it lacked
The future seems so hard
And I want to go back
But the places that used to fit me
Cannot hold the things I"ve learned
And those roads closed off to me
While my back was turned

So like the Israelites who were released out of slavery and are wandering in the desert on the way to the promised land… I feel stuck in between, or about to be.  I’ve described the way I’ve been feeling lately as being trapped . As if I’m getting ready to leave the security of the known, for the leading of God into the unknown.  I don’t know how each step will work, but I know I have to take the first one, or I’ll remain stagnant in this place of despair.

The beginning of this year has been especially difficult for me emotionally…. really feeling a distance from God, and a sense of despair.  Making life decisions no longer affects just me… I have a little girl’s life that God has given me charge over, that I need to be a good steward of… so my decisions also have an impact on her (as all parents can relate).  I think I’ve come to a decision about our future, and hope has returned.  The fear comes in the getting from point A to point B, also my lack of trust isn’t a lack of trusting God, but a lack of trusting myself.  However, if I do trust God, that also means I can trust Him to set me back on track when my choices are outside of his will.

This verse has happened across my path several times in the last few days, so I’m taking it as a word from God (it was also my class verse at Asbury College).  Here I am 21 years later, and I’m claiming it as my verse for 2011.

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9